It’s a misconception that God doesn’t want you to like yourself or that hating yourself is a humble Christian thing to do.
She doesn’t want you to love yourself more than others or more than Her, She doesn’t want you to be selfish, yes – but loving and accepting yourself is not selfish.
She doesn’t want you to hate any of Her children – and you’re one of them.
my favorite saint is Clare of Assisi because she is A) the patron saint of television, B) my name saint, C) a motherfucking boss who wanted to join St. Francis of Assisi’s band of like wandering homeless bro-dudes for Christ and Francis was like “sure!” and the Catholic Church was like “but you’re a LADY” and she was like “fuck you, you think ladies can’t sleep on the ground and eat tree bark as well as these asshats, LET ME FUCKING EXPLAIN TO YOU HOW POVERTY WORKS”, oh btw i should explain that Clare came from a family that was RICH AS HELL and so did Francis so like please give them props for voluntarily giving up their comfy beds and nice clothes because they were like “it’s shitty to think that you’re helping the poor by just tossing gold coins at them from inside your MOTHERFUCKING CASTLE”
So ANYWAY
the religious orders for nuns at the time were like pretty cool in some ways because if you were a lady who didn’t want to get married and have a jillion babies you could be like “SORRY BOYS, GOD’S CALLIN’, GOTTA GO JOIN A BENEDICTINE CONVENT, DON’T LET THE DOOR HIT YOUR ASS ON THE WAY OUT” and then spend the rest of your life chilling with ladies and doing needlework and reading fucktons of books and being better educated than 99% of the best-educated men in the upper classes, but that was largely a privilege for rich ladies, so in a lot of ways it wasn’t really all that big of a social change? like abbots and abbesses were still in the upper strata of society? but what francis and his dudebros did was like revolutionary at the time, like “WE SHALL OWN NO PROPERTY AND EAT WHATEVER COMES OUR WAY AND WHATEVER WE HAVE WE GIVE TO THE POOR FIRST AND WE’LL LIVE IN THE WOODS IF WE HAVE TO, WHATEVER, IT’S ITALY, THE WEATHER’S USUALLY PRETTY CHILL, BUT MOST OF ALL WE WON’T HAVE TO GIVE ANY FUCKS ABOUT BUREAUCRACY OR THE POLITICAL ELITE B/C WE’RE GETTING BACK TO NATURE, DUDES”! like it was this lowkey Robin Hood plus 1970′s hippie commune plus socialism plus Twelve Apostles cosplay plus the biggest middle finger imaginable to their mortified rich parents (”girl was that your son Francis singing hymns to Brother Moon in the town square while dressed in rags” “GIRL I DON’T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT, PASS THE CHARDONNAY”). and that’s all like super rad! and even though it started with dudes because it was just ol’ Frank and his bros, they were all for having the ladies come hang!
BUT WAIT
because in order to have their way of life legitimized which was super important to Francis – he didn’t want to just be a ragtag bunch of weirdos, he wanted this to be a religious movement that would spread through Europe and hopefully revolutionize a CORRUPT AF institutional church bureaucracy – he had to get the Pope’s approval to make them a religious order. Which he super did, no problem. So then Clare trots over to Rome and she’s like “yeah so I’m gonna need that same piece of paper you gave my BFF Francis” and they’re like “TAKE YOUR VAGINA AND YOUR FRAGILE SILKY WHITE GIRL-SKIN AND YOUR WEAK LITTLE LADY BOD BACK TO ASSISI, SWEETHEART, LEAVE THE SLEEPING-IN-THE-WOODS SHIT TO REAL MEN” and they wouldn’t legitimize her religious order (which was already like a major posse by this point) because there were zero religious orders at that time for women which required a vow of poverty.- though there were already LOTS for dudes, not just the Franciscans – because they thought the girls couldn’t hack it.
“BITCH PLEASE”
So Clare (who by the way a lot of Catholics treat like she was just Francis’ junior partner but SHE OUTLIVED THAT MOTHERFUCKER BY THIRTY-SEVEN YEARS, so she’s LITERALLY the reason his ideals and his legend spread as far as they did, because she was running the fucking show) basically made it her life’s work to pester an endless succession of Popes, one after another, into granting a poverty dispensation to the Poor Clares. They weren’t waiting on permission to like DO THEIR SHIT, mind you – Clare kept doing Clare, living with her ladies in the convent Francis LITERALLY BUILT FOR HER WITH HIS OWN TWO HANDS WHICH IS ROMANTIC AF, I’M SURE THEY WERE GOOD CELIBATES AND DIDN’T BANG BUT YOU CAN’T TELL ME THEY WERE NOT TOTALLY IN LOVE, I SHIP IT LIKE FEDEX, and engaging in the same radical practices as the Franciscans of living in actual community with the poor. Not just like throwing a few bucks in the collection plate on Sunday and patting themselves on the back for what good Christians they were, but throwing their doors open so that anyone in Assisi who was hungry or homeless could be welcomed without judgement as their brothers and sisters. So FINALLY after ACTUAL DECADES like the fifth or sixth Pope in a row that she screamed at was like “OH MY GODDDDDDD, FIIIIINE, take your poverty dispensation and FIND A NEW HOBBY BESIDES YELLING AT POPES EVERY TEN GODDAMN SECONDS,” and that’s how Clare of Assisi struck a blow for feminism in the 1100′s by convincing the Catholic Church that women’s bodies were not fundamentally weaker than men’s.
OH ALSO
THIS FUCKING HAPPENED
”In 1224, the army of Frederick II came to plunder Assisi. Clare went out to meet them with the Blessed Sacrament in her hands. Suddenly a mysterious terror seized the enemies, who fled without harming anybody in the city” (x)
SO SHE’S ALSO LIKE A VALKYRIE BASICALLY
Plus when she was old and too sick to go down to the chapel for Mass, she had visions where she could watch what was happening on the wall of her bedroom, so she could still participate, AND THAT’S WHY SHE’S THE PATRON SAINT OF TELEVISION
IN CONCLUSION, Clare of Assisi was a mouthy feminist badass who bitch-slapped the societal expectations of her mother, her zillionaire family, her entire social caste, all of Assisi basically, like seriously half a dozen Popes, all of institutional Catholicism, and pretty much like THE WORLD to give up her inheritance, cut off all her hair, and go run away with her best friend to go build a hippie commune in the woods based around the radical notion that poor people are actual human beings.
Also just like thinking of people who have very strong doctrines of hell, like…. if somebody is the type of person who could be completely happy and unbothered in paradise while an arbitrarily-defined group of people are in torturous agony forever, their paradise is not one I want to be a part of
“When Salome inquired when the things concerning which she asked should be known, the Lord said: When ye have trampled on the garment of shame, and when the two become one and the male with the female is neither male nor female.”
– Gospel of the Egyptians, early scriptural source that is only preserved in fragments, non-canonical but cited approvingly by early Christian writers
An engraving of Mary and Jesus revealing His Sacred Heart. The text in Assyrian and Arabic compares Mary to the burning bush from the Old Testament book Exodus.
A mantilla is a traditional Spanish lace or silk veil or shawl worn over the head and shoulders, often over a high comb called a peineta, popular with women in Spain. It is also worn, without the peineta, by Eastern Orthodox women in Russia, often white, with the ends crossed over neck and draped over the opposite shoulder. The shape, design and use are different from an ordinary veil.
The Apostolnik
An apostolnik or epimandylion is an item of clerical clothing worn by Orthodox Christian and Eastern Catholic nuns. It is a cloth veil that completely covers the head (except for the face), neck, and shoulders similar to the hijab worn by Muslim women, it is usually black, but sometimes white. It is sometimes worn with a skufia.
The Habit: Coif and Veil
Coif: This is the garment’s headpiece and includes the white cotton cap secured by a bandeau and a white wimple or guimpe of starched linen, cotton, or (today) polyester to cover the cheeks and neck. It is sometimes covered by a thin layer of black crape. The cornette was another type of coif.
Veil: This element is worn pinned over the coif head coverings and could be worn down to cover the face or up to expose it. The headpiece sometimes includes a white underveil as well.
The Kappe (Bonnet)
Commonly worn by Anabaptist groups such as the Amish and Mennonites. Girls and unmarried women typically (not always) wear black bonnets, while married women wear white ones.
The Netela
Worn in Ethiopia and Eritrea. The Netela can be worn in different ways. For general wear, the Netela covers the back and shoulders and the border is folded up over the right shoulder, but when attending church the two layers of the Netela are opened and the border goes over both shoulders. When the border is worn around the face or shoulders, it is a sign of mourning, but in moments of leisure the border goes over the left shoulder.
The Dupatta
Not limited to Christian women. Dupatta, also Chunari, Chunri, Chunni, Odhni, Orni, Chādar-odhni, Pacheri, Orna or Unna is a shawl-like scarf and is essential to many women’s clothing (usually matched with the garment) from the Indian subcontinent. The dupatta is most commonly used as part of the women’s shalwar kameez costume and worn over the kurta and the gharara, but is originally part of the gagra choli outfit. The dupatta has long been a symbol of modesty in dress from the Indian subcontinent as its main purpose is as a veil.
The Kerchief (Hutterites)
Most Lehrerleut and Dariusleut Hutterites wear a kerchief-style Christian headcovering which is usually black with white polka dots. The Schmiedleut also wear a kerchief-style head cover, but without the dots. The polka dots tells which branch the women belong to. Young girls wear a bright, colorful cap that fastens under the chin.
Hey dear friend, I think it’s not only wise to share your doubts out loud, but it’s imperative that we do so.
We need to ask questions. We need to be open to new ideas. We need our faith deconstructed and challenged once in a while. We all have a particular “box” of faith, and it needs to be under constant renovation. A stale faith will bring about cults, or will rely too much on spoon-feeding, or will never endure the worst trials of our lives.
The thing is, questions will come. Doubts will come. Pain will come. And faith that stays in the same box for years is the kind of faith that eventually collapses under the weight of our denial.
Yes, a few people might take your doubts out of context and say, “Yeah, that’s why I don’t believe that stuff.” That’s fine. Most likely they were going to say that anyway, and you’re not responsible for that person’s journey either.
In my experience, every single person that I’ve shared my doubts with has been receptive. Their response is always, “You too? Thank God.”
I can’t trust someone who has a thriving robust faith all the time. I’m thankful for them. They show me who I want to be. But I find myself unable to talk with them about the harder times or the weirder Bible stuff. They’re always telling me to just “Trust God.” And I’m not there a lot. To be truthful, I’m not there most of the time.
I’ve said this a lot already, but I grew up an atheist. I became a Christian pretty late in life. And I have doubts constantly. I’m a skeptical believer, a faith weakling. I’m always wondering if all this faith stuff is crazy. I work in a hospital and I have plenty of reason to throw my Bible away. Once in a while, I still binge-read atheist books and blogs because I want to examine what I really believe. It’s scary. But if I’m going to believe something, I better know what it’s about and why. That means digging into all the questions and to always remain curious. I know this isn’t healthy for everyone. I have to do it.
If you’re in a community that won’t ask questions, please leave. Find another place. If you decide to stay, then be the one annoying person that airs out your doubts. I’m not saying to be a contrarian for its own sake, or to always be back-and-forth and unresolved. Eventually, of course, we must land on a solid place. But doubt is a part of faith. It’s a part of all healthy groups and interactions and dynamics. The only way through uncertainty is to know we have a certain place we can talk about it.
bennu rising 