thatlittleegyptologist:

somecunttookmyurl:

thatlittleegyptologist:

somecunttookmyurl:

Greek Oracles: Oh, great Ares, will there be victory in our battle tomorrow?
Egyptian Oracles: Yo so I want to buy this cow from my neighbour but he’s kind of a skeev, is the cow okay?

Greek Oracles: 

Oh mighty Apollo, should we wage war against the Persians?

Woman hopped up on gas fumes at Delphi: SHEEPS ARE THE BADGERS OF THE MOUNTAINS

 Fuck yes, we’re gonna win!

Egyptian Oracles: 

Oh Great and Mighty Apis! Should I seek damages from Bukhaaf for his affair with my wife? 

Mooooooooooo 

You’re totally right, I should decapitate him with a shovel

Greek Oracles:

Glorious Athena, will my ideas be welcomed by people around me?

Woman hopped up on gas fumes at Delphi:

OBJECTS FROM THE SKY ARE PORTENTS OF DEATH

So is that a no?

Egyptian Oracles:

Oh wise Thoth! Should I exact revenge on Sheskaf for loan of an unreturned palette?

Egyptian priest, sighing and filing his nails: he says no

…would he say yes if I provided extra beer?

Greek Oracles:

At Dodona: Oh Zeus will there be springs be good for water?

*Tree rustles*

Priest: Zeus is busy fucking your wife. Consult the tree again later.

Ohhh mannnnn

Egyptian Oracles:

Defified Amenhotep! Can I seek compensation from Piankh as he has not returned my bowl?

*statue doesn’t move*

Can I seek compensation if I give the priests beer for the next month?

*Priest gets up and shoves the oracle statue forward half heartedly with his foot*

Excellent