a-queer-seminarian:

i have been so reluctant to write this piece.
what does it mean to be queer
in ministry?
last week (was it just?)
a church wrote to me. they wrote to me
as a colleague (Dear Brother or Sister in Christ or some such)
eleven pages to say – no, to prove – that they were dying
because of the gay
so they want to leave. to go away. to take their football.
they want a divorce, and they want to take the house with them.
they are sure i understand, or at least that i could
if only i could put myself in their shoes
(their ugly shoes).

What would it be like for me if I had to exist in a hostile
   environment? For however many long years, had to sit by
   and watch while my marriage rights/rites were stripped of
   their meaning?
yeah. what would that be?
i think they should install me as pastor there
to give wings to their feet.
two-thirds would be gone in a week.

a few years ago a colleague and i shared breakfast.
he made me an astounding offer.
judge, dear reader, why don’t you?
“The godly thing to do” (he said while chewing oatmeal)
“would be to renounce your ordination.
I know you have children. You could come live with us.”
“Have you spoken to your wife about this?”
“No,” he said, “but she is a godly woman.”
(long pause)
“Well,” I said, “my ex-husband would be coming with us.
He will need his own room.”
(furrowed eyebrows)
“Also, I have four cats. And some fish. Do you think my
   china hutch will fit in your dining room? I don’t want
   to impose, but my grandmother gave me those dishes
   for my wedding and promptly died. I’m partial to
   keeping them.”
(crickets chirping)
“Can you pass the salt? These eggs are bland. Oh, this is
   going to be great. I have always wanted a sister-wife.”
(frowny face)
You are not taking this seriously,” he said.
“No kidding.”

what is it to be queer in ministry?
what is it to be queer?
or in ministry?
how can you stand to be straight?
how has ministry not sent you shrieking
with rage
and grief
into the sweet balm of
queer love
queer thinking
our so very queer Lord and Savior?

a straight man
a very angry straight man (a very straight angry man?)
someone i have not met (and hope to never)
sent me this sweet epistle
(i think he thought he was Paul – and how queer was that guy?)
The subject line read Anathama.

You are a disgrace to the faith.You are an unrepentant
   sinner in the eyes of God and He does not forgive
   the unrepentant. If you are a Presbyterian leave
   the denomination and take your lack of obedience
   somewhere else. It is queers like you who have
   denigrated this denomination and have said: “I will
   rather have half of a dead baby than none of a live and healthy one.”
You personally are a disgrace. And you and your ilk have
   caused me to be ashamed of my denomination.
With no respect for you,
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
Retired PC (USA)

Dear Brother in Christ, you misspelled anathema
but Jesus covers even this.

what is it to be queer in ministry?
it is to be the angel of death,
the harbinger of disease and pestilence.
(did you not know we can kill you dead from AIDS just by
   looking at you?)

i am the despoiler of churches i have never set foot in
the destruction of marriages i would never have officiated.
i am come, like Lilith,
to feast on your children.
i am not subordinate
a winged demon in the night
the opposite of Eve.
my cooking is straight out of Proverbs 666.
if i were you
(and oh so glad i am not)
i would not eat the food i serve you.
more. for. me.
wipe the dust
for i will not hear your gospel.
i am called to dance by one who delights in me.
take back your peace
for there is clearly none to be had here.

i don’t actually care about your
building, your
marriage, your
childr –
No.
that is not true
i care about your children
and by extension your marriage
and by extension your damned building.

what is it to be queer in ministry?
it is to be spat upon
and still give a rat’s ass
about the person who spat
in my face.
a very queer thing indeed.

Rev. Katie Mulligan, “Queer,” published in There’s a Woman in the Pulpit (2015)